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Me vs. Me

There’s a constant battle that we face on a daily basis and I’m not talking about the battle we face to wake up in the morning and go to work.  Nor am I talking about the battle to get a seat on the tube or the arguments we have with our partners/parents about who should do the washing up.  I’m not even talking about the battle we have when hunger strikes and our heart says “chocolate” and our mind cries “think of the calories”.  No I’m talking about the personal battle we face with ourselves aka our EGO’S.

I don’t know about you but I am an over thinker; my gosh it is one of the worse traits to have.  I probably shouldn’t even admit to this but I even over think what I should wear to work the next day, to the point where I can’t sleep at night!!  Sad I know.  Anything I am experiencing in life gets over thought.  I over think what I should and shouldn’t do or what I have and haven’t done or what I’ve said or haven’t said.  It’s annoying but my brain is always on over time and I ask myself why I’m an insomniac.

I recently got to over thinking on a spiritual break I was about to embark on.  I was about to do something good for myself, reconnect with God and be on point with my faith but for some reason I kept coming up with excuses not to go.  I’m not spiritually ready, what’s the point in going if I come back unchanged, I don’t have the money, anything and everything was a reason NOT to go but I spoke to a friend who got me to thinking.

When I sat and really thought about it I realised it was my own ego that was stopping me from taking this step.  What do you mean you’re not spiritually ready?  Was I spiritually ready the other times I had been?  No.  What do you mean you haven’t got the money?  The flight is like £200 and I don’t even need to pay for food!!!  What do you mean you won’t change your ways when you get back home?  How do I even know that when I haven’t even been yet?

I decided there was no way I wanted my ego to win this one.  I had a personal battle going on with myself and in the end I stood strong.  No.  I’m going because I need to do this for me.  At the start of 2011 I said this would be my year and I mean that in every aspect of my life, including religiously.

The only one who will ever stop you from doing something you want is you; your own doubts, your own fears, your own mind.  So my tickets are bought and paid for and I’m going to get on that plane and renew that connection because believe me…..I need this.

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Comments

  1. Rohima27 January 2011 at 13:40

    Go Ayeshah!

    I love this post, encouraging, inspiring and open. Thank you for sharing and I hope things go well x

    ReplyDelete
  2. AyeshahRose27 January 2011 at 19:43

    Thanks hun x

    ReplyDelete

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